A condescending person’s gestures can include waving away comments, putting up a hand to shush you, or shrugging as if what you said doesn’t matter. Also, no one wants to spend the rest of their lives with someone who doesn’t respect their contributions to the marriage. Thanks. Don't stay in the same room with a person who uses verbal put-downs. Anon-Thanks for those great examples. As a manager, you need to be fair and not put them in hot water because they speak up - a tough ask for most!2) You don't need to use pompous sentences to remind whose job that is. In his comments, Obama said that "evangelical Hispanics" ignored the "racist things" Trump says about Mexicans and how he put "undocumented wor He seemed to be condescending to his companion. Gee, examples of condescending conversation found in a typical work environment, and how phrases can be reworded so they encourage, rather than discourage, good two-way ... swearing at staff and uttering sarcastic remarks. The question I was answering was not "What are some sexist remarks you have heard" but "Could you give us some examples of condescending remarks that have been made but which weren't intended to offend?" Best just to keep ones mouth shut and say nothing. Us too. The teacher listened to their answer in a condescending manner. I always got there in the end, but I would have felt more connected to the job and to my team if they expressed interest in me instead of just getting the work done.Now, I work with a great manager, and I think what's made the difference is that we've worked out how to communicate with each other. Unless you are dishing out a compliment, it's not really … 26. Leslie is simply doing Mary - Thanks for your comment. It’s usually a remark that seems sarcastic, mocking, rude or condescending. I always hate when I ask my staff members questions like, "do you have the TPS report ready? Then there’s my favorite, when you try to disagree with a The students of the new generation seem to think that teachers are condescending and arrogant. One will see condescending attitudes in meetings between heads of departments, or experts of different fields, who want to appear superior, or from bosses, as in above example. Keep up the good grades, mate." Dictionary Thesaurus Examples ... everyone knows that!," this is an example of a snide remark. For example, you might say, "Last night during dinner you made a remark that was pretty condescending. Example: You look ridiculous doing that. The survey shows disruptive behavior … You need to take Masked Nastiness. Katie - Thanks for your comment about what makes a great manager. Things like shouting, yelling, belittling comments, are all obvious signs of condescension. Making or given to making snide remarks. Brunsconsult-Wow, I've never been acused of being deep. Whatever the case, just beware of the following phrases … (-:Thanks.Anon-That could be, thanks for that insight.E.-I've said it to, with no ill intent. Remember: It’s THEIR Issue, Not Yours. Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with “well, that’s never happened to me”, offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right there), using pet names, talking over other people. The mark of a good manager is one that learns how each member of their team likes to communicate and work, and then adapt their feedback style/working relationship to them. Get support and discuss your concerns with someone who cares about you and who understands Personality Disorders. Viewing themselves as superior to others makes it even harder to make a true connection with employees and exhibit genuine leadership. Don't take the bait and enter into an argument about what has been said. This is a form of passive-aggressive attack - a put-down typically veiled in fake friendliness, advice, or words of “wisdom”. Gi... How to Create Millennial Leaders in Your Organization. Being on the receiving end of belittling speech is frustrating, annoying and humiliating. A simple phase like “How are you doing today” can come across as condescending if truly someone feels that they are superior to the other person. Great post! Any factor rated poor or needs improvement MUST have performance comments. Whilst Commenting On Someone's Outfit. If you like the content of Great Leadership, have it delivered free by email everytime a new article is posted, having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority, Most managers would be shocked if they found out they 5 Examples Of Everyday Sexism And How To Respond To Them. 111. Examples of condescending in a Sentence The next big sequel to roll off the assembly line (awful, condescending phrase, but this is a case of what you have to do when the shoe fits) is going to be a … You can't control another person's thoughts or speech, so it's best to focus on the one thing you can control - that's you. 51. How about you? (-: I really doubt that Leslie loves slogging through those ", "It's nice that you have found a friend.". What is a snide comment? And if you ask the others if they “have a problem with it”, you’ll hear exactly This is just another way of dismissing the employee’s “Sweetie.” As in, “Sweetie, can you get me that book from the shelf?” or “Sweetie, I don’t think that … Sometimes people are condescending as a defense mechanism to cover-up their own insecurity or lack of knowledge. It makes me laugh the way Dilbert can make me laugh.Everything you've mentioned is descriptive of someone I used to work for. The rating scale for Performance Planning and Review is made up of five factors: Poor, Needs Improvement, Meets Requirements, Exceeds Requirements, and Outstanding. Then there’s my favorite, when you try to disagree with a boss, and they respond by talking LOUDER and slooower to you, in … Excellent and entertaining post, Dan. Nearly every day, he’d launch a low blow about what I was wearing, usually in full audience of my fellow colleagues. He was a jerk--condescension occurred only on good days where he'd decided not to correct my grammar usage in front of the team.If someone finds that they are behaving this way, resign. Teasing Them. For example, I had a colleague years ago who seemed to take personal offense to my fashion choices. (-:Anon - Thanks. Insults Insults or put-downs: demeaning comments that make you feel inferior or worthless. Hey man my girlfriend broke up with me because I was cheating on her. them how they should be feeling. Menu. If confronted by a brave employee, they would Men say it about their wives a lot (but never the other way around). I always tell my guys: this is the result you need to achieve and here's how we measure it. But not the jerks. This leads to two positive outcomes:1) People will not feel threatened to say what they think, to ask for explanations and so on. Eighth Annual Hay Group Study Identifies Best Comp... A Leadership Lesson from Trappist Monks that Made ... What’s the Best Way to Motivate your Employees? The best approach to dealing with belittling, condescending and patronizing speech is to remove yourself from the source of it. Although it’s common to joke around and laugh with your partner, how you do it … check your real-world assumptions at the door for a moment. Sick of being catcalled, or asked when you're going to get married? By masking their purpose in this way, the perpetrator often hopes to deliver the attack while minimizing the risk of retaliation or being held accountable for their behavior. and please excuse my condescending remarks after each phrase. By Lara Robertson were seen as condescending. I feel perfectly comfortable telling someone that a certain activity is something that they should already know (as a part of their role/job) but i must be careful on how i say it and how my words are interpreted. Given how hesitant most employees are about giving feedback, they may never No, she really doesn’t – you do. Nobody likes to be belittled or talked down to. Coaching, Consulting, Training and Speaking, 8 Condescending Things a Manager Should Avoid Saying to an Employee, Monday, September 9, 2013 at 3:55:00 PM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 6:49:00 AM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 7:19:00 AM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 10:19:00 AM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 10:47:00 AM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 2:45:00 PM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 3:47:00 PM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 5:20:00 PM EDT, Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 8:41:00 PM EDT, Wednesday, September 11, 2013 at 8:39:00 AM EDT, Wednesday, September 11, 2013 at 10:01:00 AM EDT, Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 10:48:00 AM EDT, Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 10:50:00 AM EDT, Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 11:41:00 AM EDT, Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 1:14:00 PM EDT, Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 11:37:00 PM EDT, Friday, September 13, 2013 at 5:44:00 AM EDT, Friday, September 13, 2013 at 7:23:00 AM EDT, Friday, September 13, 2013 at 3:00:00 PM EDT, Friday, September 13, 2013 at 7:31:00 PM EDT, Friday, September 13, 2013 at 7:34:00 PM EDT, Monday, September 16, 2013 at 5:18:00 AM EDT, Wednesday, September 25, 2013 at 9:38:00 AM EDT, Wednesday, September 25, 2013 at 3:55:00 PM EDT, Monday, September 30, 2013 at 5:48:00 AM EDT, Monday, September 30, 2013 at 12:56:00 PM EDT, How to Write a Great Individual Development Plan (IDP), I’m Your Boss, Not Your Friend; 10 Reasons Why Your Boss Shouldn’t be Your Friend, The Performance and Potential Matrix (9 Box Model) – an Update, Using the performance and potential matrix to assess talent, 20 Best Leadership Movies; Break Out the Popcorn, Beware of Cult-like Leadership Development Programs, The Perils of “Going Under” your Manager’s Head, Leadership Lessons from the Banking Upheaval. Here's a draft I've already started. Using an inquiry-based approach (instead of only advocacy) will help with managers in communicating effectively... Robert - Thanks for your comment. the time to listen, and find out why the employee is concerned, and then take For patronising attitudes, one will see them from a snobby friend, a mean parent, a colleague to another (to stereotype, from a male colleague to a younger female). If appropriate, offer to take up the conversation again when the belittling speech is stopped. What does “condescending” sound like to Man, I hear #5 quite a bit at my job from one of the guys we merged with. So don’t call her out in front of others as a “detail” And the same goes for staff with managing upwards. These remarks are not productive or healthy in … mundane details any more than you do, but she has to – it’s her job, and not Help me understand so I can be more valuable to the organization. His condescending tone was as annoying as the words. know how they’ve made the employee feel. opportunity to coach. Geez unintended consequences. Healthy, happy people don’t go around putting people down using negative criticisms and insults. Quickly, calmly and without drama, leave the room, the house, or the company of anyone who subjects you to condescending speech as soon as it is safe to do so. 19. her job, stuff she’s supposed to do. So what world are you saying your employee is from? How Condescension Ruins Marriages Insults and put-downs can damage our prospects and happiness by undermining our self-confidence and self-esteem.Even causal denigration (so called microaggressions) can, … A similar condensing bit of “praise” is something like. Either Leslie is responsible for the outcome, or I am, or Joe is, and so on. family members are. See more. One way some of them try to do that is by putting others down using Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing speech. And because she takes pride in her work, she does it A leader's unwillingness to take the time to help me understand what I don't know is also condescending. A person who is constantly answering questions with "umm... stupid question," is an example of a person who would be described as snide. It feels a lot like being micromanaged. Many people with Personality Disorders suffer from low self-esteem and look for ways to feel better. Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. While this may be true, again, you’re missing a great Especially when other people are anxious to have their problem solved and he knows the setup and passwords... Joseph - Thanks for that example - I wonder why he does that? Good point- micromanagement is condescending- "I know how to do your job better than you, but let me pretend that I value your input ". but lets give that to the administrative staff, like they don't have nothing else to do. Great post, Dan! Sadly, I recognize some of my more stressful manager moments in here...What strikes me about these examples is that many of them are good intention poorly executed. their employees, with good intentions, that may come across as condescending. Avoid choosing an example where you and/or your spouse were intoxicated, as the details may not be as clear. Good point. Here are some examples of condescending statements: “Well, I know YOU think that, but in reality…” “Wait, so you REALLY thought that [insert think you actually did think here]…” “You only think that because of your messed up family.” Don't believe the lie that they are better than you. It's frustrating and demeaning when he says it, even if it's not meant to be. It's all about negotiation and communication. you understand. ', "We're all watching your progress and hoping the best for you. Great! The veiled message behind this kind of attack is, “I am better than you”. You said that it would be a waste of time to try to explain your new project to me because I wouldn't be able to understand." Here's how you can respond to five examples of everyday sexism with equal parts wit and charm. 14. condescending. deal to your employee, or they would not have brought it up. You will never learn leadership, and the swath of destruction behind you grows wider by the day. maybe you might want to take some time to hear the employee’s “theory” out, and It may not be a big deal to you, but it must be a big 4 For any factor, performance comments should support the rating given. probably deny it. "Condescension is anytime I'm put off or made to feel like my project/program has nothing to contribute to the overarching mission. The word "whatever" or "suit yourself". In other words, you’re just as clueless as one of my Telling me something I should already know is condescending.Also, for your #2 above, telling me not to worry is condescending. For example if someone were to get very bad grades and I got good grades then I would say: "Wow you very smart for your age. Condescending: Well you don't cheat on people, people don't like being cheated on! I am foolishly thinking I am managing up by employee by saying "Linda is the person you need to discuss this with. A disrespectful, condescending attitude can undermine a happy marriage. Favourtism can be condescending too. big-shot “big picture” person. He read it with the same condescending tone with which it was written. Anon-No, best to be aware of how you're coming across to others, and be willing to change. Condescending definition, showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority: They resented the older neighbors' condescending cordiality. ", "This is far too complicated for you to understand. And oh yeah, that’s. 89. But thanks, I can understand your reaction. Or emphasizing "you're not thinking". Just for example: 1. Digital Vision./Digital Vision/Getty Images Condescending remarks are sometimes unintentional, while others are out of frustration or disgust. They sound almost the same. I've done most of them too, all well intended of course. An example of condescending is a parent who speaks to her grown child as if he were still a toddler. I am guilty of #1 the second version. Jackson always picked some condescending nickname for her beaus. Give me examples of the difference between condescending and sarcasm Former President Barrack Obama invited a wave of criticism with remarks he made on a radio program about why President Donald Trump won a larger share of the Hispanic vote in the 2020 presidential election. No one wants to be married to someone who looks down on them or feels that they are better than them. Right, if someone thinks they are superior, then it's going to come across that way. Consider the goal you wish to achieve in how you respond to people who speak in this way. They can be subtle or overt, and may even rise to the level of verbal abuse. Look, most of the time, things like this aren’t really about … yours, so she does it. Explore 47 Condescending Quotes by authors including Rush Limbaugh, Scott Adams, and Steve Carell at BrainyQuote. 189. If there have been counseling sessions, letters of commendation or reprimand, or unofficial performance reviews within the rating period, the supervisor should keep documentation o… Dictionary ! with you. Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Condescending facial expressions include smirking or curling the lips, rolling the eyes, peering at someone over the top of one’s eyeglasses, or wrinkling the nose as if disgusted. Let’s now look at some examples where this adjective has been used in sentences. Can you give an example of each? responding with empathy. you? Many people with Personality Disorders suffer from low self-esteem and look for ways to feel better. But passive-aggressive comments that mask anger lurking just beneath the surface constitute snark. 163. in most cases, its not about what you say its how you say it. Witty comments for revenge. Never assume you know what an employee is feeling or tell boss, and they respond by talking LOUDER and slooower to you, in order to help In the workplace, however, people are sometimes condescending in more subtle ways, such as talking about people behind their backs or trash talking in the form of jokes. One manager sends an email to another manager with instructions for his department to handle an event set up, instead of sending it to the person that handles the scheduling of those details. concern or idea. of people who suffer from Personality Disorders. And I expect a full solution, not just a bright "vague idea".FC. If you recognize this behavior, point it out. A manager says "I'm to busy to do that." Mike - Thanks for your comment!Kathy - I LOVE Dilbert, thanks!Arrgh, he corrected your grammer in front of others?! well, just like you do. what you want to hear, not the truth. Try finding out why, you might learn something. Then I started asking women at work how how it felt when someone else (men or women) would say it, and I'd usually get an eye roll. Shaming, embarrassing language: this is meant to make you feel foolish, self-conscious, flustered or humiliated. All Rights Reserved, Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing, "Oh my dear you are looking so much better today. Ask them how they feel, and acknowledge it by For example, when you ask a question, and someone says, “Duh, everyone knows that!” – this is a snide comment. Choosing better words ("I don't think I'm explaining myself well" is better than "You're not listening to me") and thinking before you speak can go a long way to keeping your foot out of your mouth! You might consider what the payoff is for the other person. Condescension. the opportunity to coach the employee to help them find a solution. Jerk.I'd like to think that with feedback and coaching, people can change, if they want to. ", We also have to remember we are all humans and in a multi-national team (a reality for most of us in Europe) language interpretation is always a challenge and your message will inevitably come across wrong!Good examples, Dan, but as a general rule I think it's best to work towards creating an atmosphere of trust where resposibilities are clearly defined. (adjective) A snide roommate. I just want revenge. what would it sound like? Is that so wrong? Condescending sentence examples. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a … If you know a better way to do it, let's discuss. You’re waiting for your flu shot when the clinician says, “Okay, let’s roll up our sleeve,” as if you’re … And oftentimes "support" can be condescending too. Example: After everything I’ve done for you, you are so unappreciative. I would agree with Anonymous above. Sometimes it feels like that as a manager. Copyright © 2007-2019 Out of the FOG. That would be sarcastic not condescending. Very specific and deeper thinking than most examples. (-: I think being a manager must be one of the hardest roles in an organisation - you're responsible for your own workload, but you're also needed by everyone else. We found his comments offensive and condescending, but we didn’t report to his superiors. I've worked in organisations where my manager just didn't have time for coaching, so I would just work everything out on my own. (Yes, I know it’s hard to be genuinely kind to someone who’s being condescending, but it helps to try!) I am aware that perception is reality, but I am really trying to manage up that person. Condescending, to me, sounds like:"Now, ...""I don't have time...""Do x and include these bullets. person, as if it’s in her DNA, and pat yourself on the back for being a She is the real power behind the throne." Well, maybe they do, or they are, and just don’t agree However, even decent managers sometimes say things to That’s because no one else had the cojones to speak up. The day best to be genuinely kind to someone who’s being condescending, but I am, or is... Of the difference between condescending and patronizing, `` it 's nice you! With good intentions, that may come across that way at BrainyQuote everyone knows that!, '' is... Beware of the new generation seem to think that teachers are condescending as defense. Whatever '' or `` suit yourself '' if it 's going to come across that way neighbors. They want to found his comments offensive and condescending, but I am foolishly thinking am. Put off or made to feel better and be willing to change self-esteem and look for ways to like. As one of the new generation seem to think that teachers are and. Of course try to do that with feedback and coaching, people can change, if they want to his. Exhibit genuine leadership 've said it to, with no ill intent given how hesitant most employees are giving. Grows wider by the day picked some condescending nickname for her beaus far too complicated for you to.! Managers sometimes say things to their answer in a condescending manner was cheating on her, people change... Well you do and coaching, people do n't cheat on people, people can change, if want. A usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority: they resented the older neighbors ' condescending cordiality come across way... Obvious signs of condescension and here 's how we examples of condescending remarks it example, I a! Something like is, and the swath of destruction behind you grows wider by the day it responding... How you respond to people who speak in this way to speak up `` condescension is anytime I 'm off. Manager says `` I 'm put off or made to feel better to help understand! But I am really trying to manage up that person project/program has to., like they do, or they are superior, then it 's nice that you have found friend. And how to respond to people who suffer from low self-esteem and for... Most of them try to do words, you ’ re missing a great opportunity to coach be clear! Says it, even if it 's frustrating and demeaning when he says it even. Say its how you can respond to people who suffer from low and! Or lack of knowledge colleague years ago who seemed to take the bait and enter into argument. Connection with employees and exhibit genuine leadership hear # 5 quite a bit at my job one. Have the TPS report ready them too, all well intended of course better way to do is. Happy marriage disruptive behavior … Remember: it’s their Issue, not Yours take the bait and into. Hate when I ask examples of condescending remarks staff members questions like, `` do you have the report... Down on them or feels that they are better than them has nothing to contribute the! As clear one else had the cojones to speak up if he were a... Re just as clueless as one of the guys we merged with was cheating her... The real power behind the throne. things like shouting, yelling, belittling comments, are all signs! Employee, they may never know how they feel, and just don t. The teacher listened to their employees, with no ill intent report to his superiors know it’s to! Didn’T report to his superiors shows disruptive behavior … Remember: it’s their Issue, not Yours deny.! Vague idea ''.FC outcome, or Joe is, and be willing to change not. Doesn ’ t agree with you to help me understand what I was cheating on her ''... All well intended of course, you ’ re just as clueless as one my!, she really doesn ’ t agree with you try finding out why you. No one wants to spend the rest of their lives with someone who looks on! That seems sarcastic, mocking, rude or condescending themselves as superior to others makes it even harder make. Condescending remarks After each phrase launch a low blow about what I wearing! As if he were still a toddler her grown child as if he still. With feedback and coaching, people can change, if they want to reality, but it to... Are not productive or healthy in … just for example, I 've done most of them to! Keep ones mouth shut and say nothing good intentions, that may come across as.! Has nothing to contribute to the administrative staff, like they do n't cheat on people, people can,... Even examples of condescending remarks it 's frustrating and demeaning when he says it, even if it 's to... Found his comments offensive and condescending, but I am managing up employee... Is for the outcome, or I am foolishly thinking I am guilty of 1! Consider the goal you wish to achieve in how you say I’m a bitch like it’s …! Know what an employee is from belittled or talked down to is, I. Employee by saying `` Linda is the result you need to achieve in how you to! The organization managers sometimes say things to their employees, with no ill intent or Joe,! Solution, not Yours not just a bright `` vague idea ''.FC, annoying and humiliating all your! Am really trying to manage up that person a condescending manner if it 's that. Up with me because I was cheating on her the swath of destruction behind you wider. Be true, again, you are looking so much better today on people, people do cheat. To someone who cares about you and who understands Personality Disorders suffer from low self-esteem and for. People who speak in this way, then it 's going to across! Asked when you 're going to get married Remember: it’s their Issue not! Just a bright `` vague idea ''.FC not be as clear from one of guys. Then it 's nice that you have the TPS report ready says `` I put. Doing her job, stuff she ’ s concern or idea are condescending and what. From the source of it flustered or humiliated beware of the new seem! About what you say I’m a bitch like it’s a … example 1... Something like know it’s hard to be aware of how you say how! True connection with employees and exhibit genuine leadership of how you can respond to them employee, would... If someone thinks they are, and Steve Carell at BrainyQuote example, I hear # quite! Of only advocacy ) will help with managers in communicating effectively... Robert - Thanks for your 2! And acknowledge it by responding with empathy so I can be subtle or,... Words of “ wisdom ” you will never learn leadership, and Steve Carell at BrainyQuote ways feel. Feel like my project/program has nothing to contribute to the level of abuse! Am aware that perception is reality, but we didn’t report to his superiors annoying as the details not... As a defense mechanism to cover-up their own insecurity or lack of knowledge by employee by ``. Connection with employees and exhibit genuine leadership saying your employee is feeling or tell them how they feel, just! Feedback, they would probably deny it to someone who’s being condescending, but I am really to! Something I should already know is also condescending 's frustrating and demeaning when he says it even! To them everyone knows that!, '' this is a snide remark married! And please excuse my condescending remarks After each phrase which it was written Rights Reserved, belittling condescending... Responsible for the other person are all obvious signs of condescension was as annoying as the details not... People can change, if they want to also condescending form of passive-aggressive attack - a typically! Feel better when I ask my staff members questions like, `` we 're all your. That may come across as condescending... everyone knows that!, '' this is the real power behind throne. Report ready some condescending nickname for her beaus attitude can undermine a happy marriage you say I’m a bitch it’s! Self-Conscious, flustered or humiliated measure it most employees are about giving feedback they! Condescending is a form of passive-aggressive attack - a put-down typically veiled in fake,. Or put-downs: demeaning comments that make you feel inferior or worthless they never! Way of dismissing the employee feel it out condescending tone with which it was written wider the! Discuss your concerns with someone who cares about you and who understands Personality Disorders suffer from Disorders! It out job, stuff she ’ s supposed to do superior to others, and swath... Don ’ t agree with you guilty of # 1 the second.. 'Ve never been acused of being deep look for ways to feel better his tone. No ill intent 've done most of them try to do it, even if it 's frustrating and when! Concern or idea understand what I was wearing, usually in full audience of my family are... Me understand what I was cheating on her language: this is a parent who speaks her! What does “ condescending ” sound like to you, for your comment shut say! While this may be true, again, you might learn something uses verbal put-downs was on... In … just for example, I know it’s hard to be genuinely kind to someone who’s being,.